Back To Square One

My first night at The Daily Texan went anything but smoothly.

The Texan's office is nestled in the basement of the William Randolph Hearst Building, accessible via a concrete staircase shrouded in shadow and intermittently infested with crickets. I gave Austin a bleak smile from the bottom of the stairs—he'd dropped me off like a doting parent does their kindergartner on the first day of school—and pounded on the door. I didn't have an ID to get in.

I was a staffer for The Texan's Daily Digest, an online newsletter outlining the featured news stories and weather forecast for the day. My Tuesday shifts began at the ripe hour of 9:00 p.m., when the final edits for Wednesday's stories began rolling in at a snail's pace. My manager reassured me at last week's training that while she wouldn't be there to oversee me, she was only a phone call away. I kept that promise in mind as I shuffled in and seated myself at an available computer.

The following three hours were, for lack of a better word, painful. Locked out of the newsletter marketing website and unfamiliar with Adobe InCopy, I faced an onset of technical difficulties that drained whatever energy was left in me at 9:00 p.m. I was met with my manager's cheery voicemail every time I called. What if she never answered? What if I couldn't finish writing this newsletter by tonight?

Being the only writer from my department that day, I watched as reporters and graphic designers worked alongside me—pitching ideas, joking over caffeinated beverages and Chinese take-out boxes. I wondered if they experienced something similar on their first days at The Texan. If I'd stick with this student newspaper long enough to make a few friends myself.

I recently spoke at a graduate panel for my former school district, where alumni from various high schools discussed their first semester of college and provided feedback on the district's ability to prepare its students for undergraduate studies. And while I was excited to be back, it felt strange speaking professionally before a team of board members and school administration again. In high school, my Type-A personality had never shone brighter. I urged my peers to attend Student Council meetings, worked to perfect presentations for HOSA competitions, and toured families around campus with a practiced smile. In college, I'd grown accustomed to being quiet.

Amidst the rocky transition from high school to college, I found it easy to slip back into my introverted self. I scored a job at The Daily Texan that required the least amount of human interaction. I opted to study or sleep in instead of attending campus events. I reveled in the silence of the Perry-Castañeda Library, where I wrote many an essay in a solitary wooden cubicle on the fourth floor.

I made an effort not to spread myself thin during my first semester of college. And while I hope to become more active in my honors college and extracurricular activities this semester, I like that academics are my sole priority at the moment. It's a refreshing change of pace from high school—when I'd commit to every responsibility imaginable and run on 4-5 hours of sleep. I want to put 100% into everything I do, and right now, that means starting out small. When I'm ready to take on more responsibility, it'll be towards something I'm truly passionate about.

Hi, is everything okay?! I'm so sorry, my phone was charging!

I looked down at the message from my manager, relieved. With her help, the newsletter was finished within an hour. By midnight, I was jogging back to my dormitory, my cell phone pressed against my ear and Austin on the other line—just in case anything happened. By the time I hung up, I was outside of my room, music playing quietly from the inside. I retrieved my keys from my bag and struggled to unlock the door.

When I arrived at UT four months ago, I was back to square one. A clean résumé, no connections. A job at the bottom of The Daily Texan's reputable totem pole. But that isn't a bad thing. In fact, square one allows us room to grow. Square one is a chance for us to reorient ourselves, solidify our interests. Figure out what we're really meant to be doing. Who knows? Maybe I'll be join another department at The Texan. Maybe I'll explore my interests in creative writing or audio/video. The possibilities are endless—and that's pretty exciting if you ask me.

Thanks for reading my first blog post of the New Year! As always, give this post a like and leave your e-mail address in the subscription box below to get a notification every time that I post. ♡