"My advice for getting into parties? Walk up and down The Drag and ask any college guy where they're going. It works every time!"
Her friend sighed. "She's going to get herself kidnapped."
"I probably will," the girl replied, unfazed. I blinked at her unsolicited advice, unsure of what to say. Was she joking? Should I even ask? I was in no position to arbitrate the decisions of a complete stranger, but the blithe smile on her face made me concerned.
A few days before the start of the semester, I had trouble orienting myself. The University of Texas was hosting events left and right for incoming freshmen: student organization fairs, book club meetings. The mere idea of attending a party was laughable. But it was weird knowing that I could. That—from now until classes started—I had time to kill.
"Are you ready to go?" I asked my friends after the two girls returned to their game of air hockey. The Union Underground was open well into the night, its bowling alleys and billiard tables attracting several students looking to unwind on a Saturday night—myself included. But it was midnight, and having spent the morning agonizing over textbook prices and class schedules, I was eager to get some sleep.
"Yes!" Jenna replied. My roommate during orientation, Jenna was kind enough to invite me to places on campus I didn't even know existed. "Can I just say bye to my friends over there?"
She pointed towards the middle of the room, where two guys stood over a billiard table with concentrated expressions. "Yeah, of course."
As we neared their table, my eyes drifted to the person on the left. He wore a Longhorn cap over his blonde hair, and I swore he smiled at me as I approached. He was cute. I was prone to stupidity around boys I thought were cute, so kept my words to a bare minimum.
"Do you want one of us to walk you home?" he offered when Jenna announced our departure to the table. I raised my eyebrows at the question. He was surprisingly considerate.
"No, that's okay!" Jenna reassured him. "I don't want to take you away from your game. You two have a good night!"
"That was sweet of him," I observed as we walked back to our dormitory in the dark, the orange glow of the streetlamps carving a path for us across campus. Jenna turned to me with a smile.
"Yeah, he's a good guy."
I entertained the thought of seeing him again before dismissing my imagination with a laugh. There were over 50,000 students at this massive school. Surely, I wasn't that lucky.
As it turns out, I was. Just in more ways than one.
"Now, we will be announcing the writing prize winners for this week!" my professor announced to the auditorium of honors students. "If your name is called, please come up to the front to receive your certificate and have your picture taken."
I looked down at the essay sitting in my lap, my writing mentor's notes staring back up at me. Jacqueline—I loved the pacing and organization of this essay. I nominated you for the writing prize this week!
I don't have gut feelings very often. But I had a gut feeling about this. Writing this week's essay was like looking into a mirror for the first time and describing what I saw. It was candid and undeniably nerdy. It read like one of my blog posts. To me, the writing prize wasn't about the $100 scholarship—though that certainly was an incentive. It was about proving to myself that I belonged in a place like this.
"And our first writing prize recipient is Jacqueline Magno!"
Oh God, I thought to myself. Gut feelings aside, I looked up in disbelief. That's me. That's my name.
I look like I just rolled out of bed.
I ended up spending my $100 on a red sweater and two packages of Haribo gummy bears. As I sat at my desk that night, chewing on my candy in silence, I had somewhat of a realization. I was at ease. Gone was the discontent I felt towards my high school subjects. Gone was the agitation I felt every time I downplayed my disinterest in medicine as a passing phase. Huh. Is this what it feels like to do homework without resentment?
This semester alone, I think I've written more sentences than in my high school years combined. From a ten-page lab report on oak trees to the Wednesday newsletter at The Daily Texan, my head is filled with word counts and those annoying blue lines under grammatical errors. Perhaps it wasn't the wisest decision to drown myself in writing assignments my freshman year of college. But I genuinely love what I'm doing.
Despite this, these past few months haven't changed me. I still micromanage my grades. My brother ridicules me for studying instead of attending football games. I missed my chance to meet Jimmy Fallon so I could attend my professor's office hours and argue for a higher exam grade (this is a story for another time). If anything, I've become more of myself.
But I can't take all the credit for my happiness. In fact, a majority of my favorite memories from this past semester aren't remotely related to academics. They include hours-long philosophical conversations with my roommate. They include Saturday morning dates to car shows and book stores. They include nights with my best friends, whether we're singing karaoke, playing mahjong, or driving several hours to get back home.
I am incredibly lucky to attend university studying what I love alongside some of my closest friends, and I hope I never take that for granted.
I often adopt this mentality that I'll be fine after this week, after this assignment, when in reality, college is a continuous process of work and self-reliance. My first semester of college has come and gone, and while I'm excited for what lies ahead, I want to ensure I enjoy my time at The Forty Acres as much as I can. God knows I was meant to be here!
We often fixate ourselves on the light at the end of the tunnel, when in reality, there's light all around us. You just have to stop occasionally to soak it all in.
Thank you for reading my blog post! It's been a while, hasn't it? My absence from Jackie Of All Trades isn't due to a lack of material, but a lack of time. College is quite demanding! However, Christmas break is a month long, and I'm planning to post more often. As always, be sure to give this blog post a like and enter your email in the subscription box below! ♡
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